Two things can exist at once: motherhood is beautiful, and it is also exhausting. I find myself standing at the crossroads of both every single day.

I always knew I would be a mother someday, but it was never something I deeply longed for until I was married. In college, I felt a clear calling to adoption, but having biological children was never part of my dream.

From our very first date, I knew I was going to marry my husband. Not long after, we welcomed two incredible sons, two thirteen-year-olds God placed directly into our lives. Many people thought we were crazy for adopting teenagers, but it was always part of God’s plan. Then came our daughter, followed by our ornery little boy, completing our family in the most beautiful way.

From the outside, it looks picture perfect. God aligned everything so seamlessly. But the truth? It’s far from perfect.

It’s hard some days. Chaotic most days. But it’s a blessing every day.

Motherhood changes you in ways you can never fully prepare for. I am not the same person I was before becoming a mother, and sometimes, I feel like a stranger in my own body.

Mothers endure constant physical and mental changes while navigating a life that never stops shifting.

It’s hard.

It’s very hard.

After having my daughter, it took nearly three years before I felt like myself again. Postpartum depression and anxiety took a heavy toll. My body felt unfamiliar. My thoughts felt foreign. The pressure of motherhood was overwhelming. I pushed through the hard days because I had to, but I won’t sugarcoat it, some days were scary.

After having my youngest, the postpartum struggles returned. This time, I was also raising two teenagers, a toddler, and a newborn. The chaos reached an all-time high, and I knew I couldn’t push through on my own anymore.

The night I sat on my bed in the middle of a panic attack, my daughter rubbing my back, telling me it would be okay, I realized enough was enough. I could no longer let my fear and stubbornness keep me from getting help. It was time for a change.

Step one: handing it over to God.
The enemy knows every tactic to use against us. When we are weak in body or mind, he is quick to seize the opportunity to wage war.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
Ephesians 6:12

We can’t win battles while clinging to control. God is always right there with us, but until we surrender, He can’t lead us to victory. Recognizing that we cannot get out of our mess without Him is the first step. God first, always.

Step two: acknowledging I needed medical help.
This can be a taboo topic in the church, but I firmly believe that if you need mental health support, you should pursue it without guilt or shame. Our minds need care just like any other part of our bodies. God is still good, and you can still walk fully in your calling while taking medication.

The stigma surrounding mental health has kept far too many people from getting the help they need. I knew I had reached a point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore. And honestly? Jesus and my anxiety medication are what have kept me sane over the past few months. It is okay to get help. Give your situation to God and talk to a professional, it can truly change your life.

Step three: take care of yourself.
Losing yourself in motherhood happens so easily. I hear it from other mothers all the time. You can be a great mother and still prioritize yourself. Those two things can coexist.

Find something that brings you joy and do it, just because. For me, it’s buying myself flowers. I spend about five dollars at Walmart on a small bouquet to sit on my counter. Every time I walk past them, I’m reminded that I matter. Even in dark seasons, beauty can still be found. This small act of self-care has been incredibly healing for me.

Motherhood is beautiful. It is a gift meant to be treasured. But it is also hard. And if you’re in a difficult season of motherhood right now, please don’t try to power through on your own. Lean into God. Allow Him to take control. And if you need to, talk to a professional, your mental health matters. Find something that brings you joy and do it for you.

I’m so glad you’re here.